The biggest part of moving on post divorce is forgiveness.
Forgiveness of oneself. That is the hardest task at hand to consciously look within for all the failings and abuses that happened to you during your marriage. The awareness of what happened and forgiving yourself for that suffering is not easy to do but mandatory in order to move on. Perhaps you know that already and asking yourself on how to be able to move on quicker.
SELF-FORGIVENESS TECHNIQUE that is proven effective is to VISUALIZE yourself as if you are a star of a movie and you have watched her struggles throughout the film. You are at the scene where you realize that what had happened to her was all due to crappy circumstances and none of it had happened because it was her fault. And the moment there is acceptance that you cannot change nor undo what had happened and accept that you are freed from past burdens, then your healing can begin. Seeing in this light as an audience, you cannot help but be more empathic to the hero for her journey full of struggles. This audience perspective gives distance and space to help identify the necessary action steps where it may not have been obvious to the hero herself.
Once the action steps become clearer there would still be challenges in following through on them. You can feel trapped in a karmic cycle. The next steps are as equally important to help you move past the pain and go through to the next stage of your life.
JOURNALING daily of the emotions that run amok is a necessary tool to dump the rubbish preventing you from moving on and to clear your thoughts. It’s the equivalent of emptying out a catch-all drawer full of random and unnecessary things. It is so simple and powerful that it is amazing not more people practice this in their daily lives. It is not the words themselves that are being written down but the act of reflecting of what had happened in the course of the day, acknowledging the emotional triggers, appreciating all the good that happened and the happiness that sometimes come in bursts is what create a new path to healing. The awareness of causes us grief and what brings us joy is literally creating new neural pathways in our brain.
MOVING YOUR BODY is another critical element to help change your mood when it is at its worst. Make that a habit when you notice the restlessness of your thoughts and inability to focus to start moving. Never underestimate the benefits of simple body movements. James Clear, the author of “Atomic Habits” suggests that you can stack two habit creations at the same time. You want to create the new habit of moving your body the moment a triggering thought makes you feel restless. An example for this is to write in your journal a commitment action plan when that happens: I will get up from my chair and do 5 squats to disrupt any thoughts that are making me restless. Not only would you be specific in your action steps (5 squats) but you will also help create two additional practices of goal-setting in a journal and also disrupting negative thoughts. Over time you will have learned to disrupt the negative thought patterns with physical movements and create a positive benefit for yourself.