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Marriage As An Escape

By Tania, podcaster Janda Becanda

When you view relationships as the answer to your problems in search of personal identity.

Have you ever thought to yourself that life would be better if you were in a committed relationship? Suddenly all of your life problems would melt if you were team. Instagram phrases like replace “I” with “we” turns “Illness” into “Wellness” start showing up. Could those Instagram quotes be wrong?

The short answer is: it doesn’t. It is a basic instinct to want companionship and want that relationship to be fulfilling and rewarding of your own life. However, the truth is relationships are no panacea to your own life’s problems.

I write this article following the recent news in East Lombok of a rise in teen marriages during the Covid-19 quarantine period as reported by CNN Indonesia. The news reported that the teen newlyweds viewed being married as escape from boredom for being quarantined. Some responded saying that marriage is viewed as a way to improve their economic conditions by leaving schools and entering the work force.

This is an extreme example of using marriage as a form of escape, but the basic instincts to use the relationship as a tool for freedom is familiar.
Relationship Purpose
The point of the relationship is for two independent individuals to thrive together. Not for you to help find yourself or for the other person to help you discover your life’s purpose. This hardwork you have to do on your own. The best of relationships hold space for each partner to thrive in their life’s pursuits. A healthy relationship will not make either partner feel undervalued, which is the feeling you are trying to avoid by being in a relationship!

Search Inwards for Meaning
This is where the focus needs to be on practicing the tools you have learned to discover your true purpose in life. Practice meditation to be able to sit still and learn to tune in to your own strengths and dreams. Develop the habit of planning out your dreams by utilizing your strength to realize those dreams. It is not the responsibility of the partner

Be Content On Your Own
By that I mean, you are responsible for your own happiness. Instead of expecting your partner to make you happy, you can let him know what would make you happy. You can also find out what makes him happy and develop couple habits that help accentuate the things that make each of you happy.

Relationships as Bonus
Marriage can be as a bonus to make you even happier. The safe space where you can be yourself and fulfill your purpose. The commitment in marriage allows for that safe space to exist.

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